I worked the entire day before my surgery, made sure my desk was clear, no open projects or quotes. I spent the remainder of the evening in bars. I started at Empire Pizza and Bar drinking with my ex-wife, daughter and her friend. A couple beers, a couple shots talking with friends I had known for years..in some respects I was saying goodbye. When I was leaving I asked Debbie (ex-wife) to come outside, I wanted to apologize for all the hurt, in case things didn't go well I wanted her to know I still loved her.
Forward to the next bar, Hartlands which is close to my apartment. I sat and drank with the regulars that were there. Although I was surrounded by people I knew (granted all were "bar" friends) I felt alone. The woman I was dating at the time was nowhere around, nor any of my closest friends. Funny how that works. The reality of knowing these people weren't there, or going to be there was a struggle. Ultimately I did reach out to one person, a young woman that was a nurse I had met about 8 months prior. I had a feeling she would hang out with me, talk. There was a strong connection between us, an ability to have great conversation but was never allowed to develop.
I remember being relatively calm as Meggan drove me to the hospital. We talked about the events of the previous day and night. I remember trying to find the humor in all of it. She was going to stay with me for a few days after I got out of the hospital, was there anything I needed specific.
The procedure was definitely one of the most "challenging" moments of my life. Oddly I don't recall actually being scared or nervous, the alcohol may have played a part in that. I know I acted differently and definitely was saying things I normally wouldn't have, possibly acting out my fear? The people I was drinking with couldn't believe how calm I was "acting" knowing I was about to have my chest cracked open the next morning. I drank a lot that night, shots and beers were supplied anytime I wanted one. I remember asking the manager, Romel, what shots might be on special for people having open heart surgery the next morning, LOL. My last drink was at 1:15 am, hospital check in was at 6 am, I was 25 min late and still a bit drunk.
Obviously, the procedure was successful, I'm still alive.
Covid 19 was in full bloom at that point, and the hospital was closed to outside visitors. It was a very quiet stay as there were only 4 others on the entire cardiac floor. The only visitor I had during my 4 day stay was another cardiac nurse that I had met a week prior when an attempted 3rd Angioplasty procedure failed. She and I stayed in contact for about 3 months after I got out of the hospital. She as well as the other nurse friend I have continually harped on me that I don't take my disease seriously enough.
I now carry a bottle of Nitroglycerin Pills in my pocket at all times.
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